Dear idiots Cameron and Osborne – this is what you need to do

It’s easy to criticise the two posh-boy buffoons who somehow ended up in Downing�Street. But it’s also necessary to propose some alternatives to their failing excuses for policies:

1. Change the public-sector culture of greed and waste – put all central government departments and all managerial and administrative �staff not directly delivering front-line services on a 4-day week. Who would notice if government departments only worked Monday to Thursday? The �100m a week saved could be used for housing and other infrastructure projects creating 100,000 jobs

2. Increase tax revenue from businesses – like the Beard Tax (1535) and the Wig Tax (1795) Corporation Tax is past its useful shelf-life as a way of raising revenue when so much business is done on the Internet and by multi-national tax-avoiding companies. It’s also an unfair tax which pensalises British SMEs that cannot avoid it like their larger competitors and so it destroys jobs in Britain. Corporation Tax should be scrapped and replaced by a retention of part of VAT. This would make all companies pay tax whether they claim to be based in Jersey, Cayman Islands or on the Moon�

3. Stop benefits being a lifestyle – no housing benefits should be payable to anyone under 25: benefits should be paid onto a card that cannot be used to buy alcohol and cigarettes: all benefits should be frozen for 5 years: nobody from outside Britain should be able to claim any form of benefits till they have worked full-time for 10 years: there is no reason why Britain has three times as many supposedly “disabled” people as other European copuntries – clamp down on this scam

4. Stop Britain being a “destination of choice” – extend the restrictions�on Bulgarians and Romanians coming to Britain for another 7 years: make the granting of right to remain and citizenship a legal contract whereby any criminal conviction results in the immediate withdrawal of right to remain or citizenship and leads to�deportation: no benefits to be paid till someone has worked in the UK for 10 years: withdrawal from the European Convention on Human Rights and deportation of all foreign criminals and those who are a threat to our country

5. Turn key business sectors into “strategic national assets” – businesses like water, power and�airports should be classed as “strategic national assets” that can only be owned by companies based in and paying full taxes in Britain. Their foreign owners should be given 5 years to dispose of their British holdings

6. Tell the truth about Britain’s finances – put up a large screen in Central London showing the level of the deficit and the level of national debt as�it increases by �3,841 per second, �230,476 per minute, �13.8m per hour, �331m per day