This week’s most shockingly predictable story?

You might remember an horrific story from India at the end of May about two Indian girls, cousins aged 12 and 14, reportedly raped and lynched by men from a higher caste after going into the fields at night to relieve themselves because their ramshackle homes did not have toilets.

Police reluctantly arrested five men over the case in Uttar Pradesh after the girls’ families accused authorities of failing to act because they came from a lower caste than the alleged rapists and murderers. But the men were freed almost immediately

Now, after a 5-month investigation worthy of FIFA, the Indian Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) has concluded that the girls were�not gang-raped and murdered by local men from a higher caste as previously thought, but had actually committed suicide. “Based on 40 scientific reports, CBI has concluded that the two girls had not been raped and murdered as had been alleged in the (initial police report),” the agency said in a statement.

The Hindustan Times quoted a CBI official as saying the girls took their own lives “because of family pressure owing to disapproval of their friendship with a villager”.

I’m no forensic pathologist. But I would have imagined it would only have taken at most a day to establish if two young girls of 12 and 14 had been gang-raped by local men from a higher caste. But it took the Indian authorities no less than five months to concoct their more than unlikely story.

India and Pakistan are probably two of the countries with the highest rates of rape and murder of women in the world. This might lead one to think that the expression “safe sex” means something quite different in India and Pakistan than it does in Britain:

Though, thankfully with multiculturalism, as tens of thousands of young mostly white girls in Britain’s larger towns have found, we’re now seeing our country being enriched with practices that have brought a new vigour to our society.

But perhaps we shouldn’t criticise too much. After all, with the antics of the much-loved Jimmy Savile and with signs of a massive cover-up of stories of well-connected MPs and military leaders murdering young boys in violent sex orgies here, we may have an awful lot to hide too.